For My Son

Aside

Dear Lucas,

Everyday I wake up and fall asleep staring at your beautiful face plastered across my telephone screen. In the very wee hours of the morning in between trips to the bathroom, I find myself struggling to get up but looking forward to getting back to bed where I have a clear view of your picture, framed by my bedside. Everyday you make me happy.

Two weeks ago I told you that I made a very important decision. Today I realized why I made that decision, and hopefully when you are older, you will understand. In fact I think you already do, because each time I said something, you gave me a brave kick that seemed to say “right on!”. Today I am more strongly convinced I am ready for you — to love you, to take care of you, to protect you, to give you the best of myself.

As frightened as I am, I am looking forward to the next two weeks when I finally get to hold you and tell you what a blessing you have been in my life — despite all the odds. When that day comes, everything that happened in the past will stay there and will no longer matter. You and I will start anew. Just us two. I know you will fill my life with the light it needs to guide us in our journey together.

You, my son, are my one true great love.

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Love,

Mom

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The final countdown

On August 28, I entered the homestretch of my pregnancy, so needless to say, a countdown to D-Day has also started anew. So excited am I at the birth of my son, Lucas, that even while still inside my womb, I have already hoped to live vicariously through him. I will let the photos do the talking.

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Yep, that’s a very young party boy in the making.

I don’t know what got into me, except that I know there’s not a lot of choices for little boys — especially here in the Philippines. Everything is either to stereotypically blue, or just simply not appealing. A fun and inexpensive way to dress up basic merchandise would be — make sure you’re sitting — heatpressing! For less than $3 (the PhP equivalent), you can buy a cotton onesie and pay for printing and labor for your baby’s uber cool new day wear. Not bad, right?

 

In other news, I am now on my 29th-30th week, and I have, like in the first trimester, fallen into the trap of quick exhaustion. All I want to do is sleep all day. Standing is exhausting. Sitting is exhausting. Add to that the calisthenics my son enjoys doing several times a day.

 

But one “nice” development is that I’ve regained my once-lost ability to even look at chicken…I can now safely say that I enjoy it again the way I used to. But on another note — I have become more and more absent-minded!

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Driving home from work that day, I realized I had this dress on backwards all day!

I have about 7-8 weeks to go before it’s safe to deliver. I’d ideally like to go for the full 40-week stretch, but my only hope is that Lucas doesn’t come out before he has to. Everyday I tell him that I can’t wait to finally hold him, but that there’s still so much getting ready to do so he has to stay in there a little while longer. I hope he listens!

 

Happy weekend, everyone! 

 

 

November 2012

A little over 10 years ago, I developed a love for kids with the birth of my youngest sister, Juno. She became the center of our lives the minute she was born.

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Juno with Ate Tina & Ate Karla (fresh from the shower!)

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Juno goofing around with Dad one weekday after work.

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Juno with Ate Ada & Ate Erika – the 3 bunsoys

It was also around the same time that I found out that things will never be as easy for me as it is for others.

I was 19 then. I had the world at my fingertips and the rest of my life ahead of me.

Fast forward to 2012…I find myself in what I would consider both a personally controversial and physically stressful pregnancy. Controversial because I now make it to the statistical cut of single moms, and physically stressful because my reproductive health problems from over 10 years ago have continued to manifest from the minute my doctor confirmed my pregnancy at 4 weeks. Week after week, it was one new problem after another. From a threatened abortion, to a threatened miscarriage, to 4-week bedrests without bathroom privileges, to a bout with food poisoning. To other physical and emotional factors thrown in the mix of what is already a very difficult period.

Part of this controversial period is the obvious scrutiny and judgment. As bad as it felt to know that the people you expect to be behind you are the first ones to bail on you & make you feel what a big mistake you’re making; as heartbreaking as it was to know that your happiness about this blessing is only secondary to theirs, I had to swallow it all. I knew that as complicated as our “relationship” was, we were doing this whole parenthood thing for a bigger reason — this is the single most significant miracle we could ever hope to witness. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

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Our little one at 13 weeks.

So much has happened from that fateful day at the doctor’s clinic in March until today…about 84 days before D-Day. Each time I look back on everything we’ve been through, I grow only in gratitude knowing for sure who I can count on.

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Broken but together in all the right places.

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The best girlfriends anyone could ask for.

I also grow more and more in love with that no-longer-unidentified floating object inside my womb.

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It’s a boy!

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This one I can at least make out. Hello baby love…you look handsome.

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Honestly…I fail to see how this is the genitalia.

It is 28 August 2012. I am 28 weeks pregnant with my first (and only?) child — a son I have decided to name Lucas. In 12 more weeks, we will get to hold him and tell him that he is everything to us his name means — Light.  I cannot wait.